the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
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All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There r osticjed everywhere
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
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Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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