I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
