Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dicks are not precious.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
