Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
