just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
