i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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