Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Randomize
