I heard we made out
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
