you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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