I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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