I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
