do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Fuck appropriateness.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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