Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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