When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
