dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i think my mom watched the whole time
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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