Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
