My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
