Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
