so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
