He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just cropdusted the office
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
