In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
