And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
