i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
