Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
