I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
