her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
