dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
