I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
