Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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