Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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