Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
