I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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