Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
