yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
