Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Shame - the story of my life.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
