just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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