Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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