All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
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Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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