I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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