remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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