I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
