Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
