I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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