Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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