The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
