You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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