i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
