there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
