He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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