the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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