Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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