I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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