its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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