i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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