apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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