quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
