You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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