Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
