fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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