He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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