she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
