Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So many bounce houses so little time
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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