did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
