The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
