I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
