Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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