So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i came on her dog
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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