I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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