he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
