The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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