I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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