I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
