This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
